A story...

 

IT STARTED WITH CANCER

IN THE LATE NINETIES I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL ABOUT DAD.  HE HAD CANCER.  THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY SURGERY WITH HIM ON THE TABLE.  A TUMOR THE SIZE OF A TENNIS BALL HAD EXPLODED FROM HIS COLON.  THERE WAS A GOOD CHANCE HE WOULDN’T SURVIVE SURGERY.

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But he did survive.

In the next few days we learned dad not only had colon cancer but it wasn’t just in his colon. It was also in his lymph system, his lungs and his bones.  He wasn’t expected to live 6 weeks. It would be a miracle if he lived 6 months.

2 months later dad was released from the hospital.  “Are you scared dad?” I asked him, “the doctors say you don’t have long to live.”

Dad, normally a quiet and private guy of less than a few words, took a deep breath, and looked me right in the eye,  “No. I’m not afraid.  I have been afraid for 10 years.  For 10 years I have been sick and I have been afraid I had cancer. I didn’t want to know.  I avoided it.  Now I know and I’m not afraid anymore.  I’m not dying.  I’m living.  The cancer is only one aspect of me.  I want to love it.  I won’t be afraid of it. If I want to become strong, I have to love and accept who I am, including the cancer, and strengthen that which is healthy in me.  By focusing on what is working and healthy in my body it will become more of who I am and the cancer will become less of who I am.”

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Dad lived for 3 more miraculous years.

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Focus on where you want to go; your body and mind and soul will follow.

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What this showed me was the most powerful lesson of my life.  Focus on what is working, focus on your strength, and it will become more of who you are.  Focus on where you want to go and you will go there.  Focus on who you want to be, and it will become who you are.  Focus on what is beautiful.  Focus on what is love.  You will live in beauty and love.  Within every weakness there is strength. Find your strength. This is where solutions, joy, love and success lie.

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We Always Have A Choice

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After 3 years of living with cancer, my father decided it was time to die.  He could have continued to fight to stay alive.  He had lived, after all, with cancer eating away at his entire body .  He lived, and loved, and learned for three years with that cancer ravaging his body.   But he was tired, the was no joy in his future, and that was ok, because he was ready.  He chose to die.  I was with him during his transition from life into death. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life.  Before his death, death felt like an end to me.   Death now, is simply a transition.    

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You and I have a choice – to live or to die in this world.  Living requires movement, flexibility and hope.  Living requires a dream.  Living is not a goal, it’s a journey.  It happens every day.   The living dead are those who have lost hope, lost their dreams, lost their meaning and have stopped striving.   My dad chose to live, even knowing that cancer was living within him.  What do you choose? Do you let the cancers in your life take away hope? Or do you continue to live with who you are now with dreams for your present and your future?

Being what you want to be is not the end product; it’s about the journey.  It’s about who and what you are every step of the way to your goal, it’s about looking and moving in that direction. You don’t have to be a prize winning chef to be a “cook” you just have to be interested in cooking and…cook. You don’t have to be a marathon runner to be a runner.  You just have to put on your running shoes and run.  

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What AM I?

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In my journey with my father it became clear to me. If I am to say I am anything it is that I  am A LOVER AND A VISIONARY!  My greatest ability is to completely, without any judgement, accept people where they are and love them unconditionally.  I often see brilliance in people that they don’t see in themselves. I see their possibilities. It is my greatest joy to create the space where a person can see, feel, and ultimately actualize, their own beauty and potential.  

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Pain wants to be embraced.

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After dad’s death I studied massage and became a massage therapist.   My experience taught me that EVERYONE lives with chronic pain.  For some it is a physical pain from a chronic illness, or injury, for others it is a mental pain, from years of guarding, protecting, coping. After becoming conscious of the pain we all carry, I saw that in order to thrive, we need to stay with our pain, embrace it even.  If we run from it, it just chases us, gets louder, more intense.  Our pain MUST be felt and heard.  It demands that of us.  That is its purpose, to alert us of a need.  Massage was a way to help people become present with and even embrace their pain.  The power of touch is that it connects us with ourselves and with others.  It releases protections and brings us into our vulnerabilities. To face our pain, we must be confident.  To be touched, we need to trust.

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After 5 years as a massage therapist,  I realized that I could serve my clients more completely if I could also work with their movement.   Some clients were cubicle athletes and needed help incorporating movement into their life.  Other clients were already active, but years of bad posture, extended periods of sitting, and stress had taken its toll on the body and it’s functionality. These athletes needed help improving flexibility and mobility.  I became a personal trainer.  My personal training business turned into a successful boot camp business and eventually a Crossfit gym.